Drop in Zoë Siobhan Howarth-Lowe

For the third ‘Drop in‘ in the series we welcome Zoë Howarth-Lowe who talks about ‘You Don’t Fit the Way You Used To‘ from her latest pamphlet, ‘I Have Grown Two Hearts‘, published by Hedgehog Poetry Press in September 2020.

You Don’t Fit The Way You Used To

I am unable to explain my inadequacies
to your nearly five year old stamping foot.
How you have grown too heavy for my weak hip.
You were too heavy in my womb, your growing body
creating a weak spot in mine.
A hinge that crumples under the weight of you.

I cannot carry you home

When I was pregnant with my second child I experienced a problem with my pelvis that made it very painful and difficult to walk. It was a scary time as my first child was still under a year old and I ended up having to use a wheelchair. Thankfully it was just one of those  strange things that can happen in pregnancy, and after my daughter was born and the strain of pregnancy on my pelvis eased I began to be able to walk again. 

This poem came about when my children were old enough for school and nursery.  Doing the school run had become a standard part of life. To begin with the walk home was too much for my daughter and she would asked to be carried, which was okay when she was smaller but as she got older and taller I started to find it difficult to carry her. This reminded me of the issues I had when I was pregnant with her and that’s what seeded the idea for this poem. I actually wrote the first draft of this poem on the school run after I had dropped them both at school and was walking home. 

Next week, read my review of Zoë’s ‘I Have Grown Two Hearts’